Friday, November 21, 2008

A Metaphor for Our Times

I've been watching Mayor Booker (of "luxuriating in our deliciousness" fame) (and Newark) on the Colbert Report. Oh, and drinking homebrew. OK, the "Newark" part isn't fame so much as, well, that's where he's Mayor.

That's not my point, though. He was comparing America to a somehow-delicious symphony, among other things. It struck me that this isn't the "deliciousness" metaphor. Nor is the currently popular "tossed salad" metaphor of modern America. Face it, when is the last time you luxuriated in the deliciousness of a tossed salad? And how many of you chuckled when you read "tossed salad"?

No, my fellow Americans, I have a new metaphor for America. And it's one that we can all agree practically epitomizes deliciousness.

America is a banana split.

We've got chocolate and vanilla ice cream. We already understand that part of it. We've got bananas, which are yellow, or at least yellow-ish. Close enough, say I. Maraschino cherries are red (Hey, I didn't come up with the label. I'm a uniter, here.), as is strawberry ice cream, if that's your thing.

Now, I know what you're saying. "All that's left are whipped cream (whiter than vanilla) and hot fudge (which is more chocolate). Isn't that rather glaringly omissive?"

To that I reply, caramel sauce is just as delicious. Just make the chocolate ice cream double-chocolate or chocolate fudge, and you'll never miss the hot fudge. Trust me. Butterscotch is pretty delicious on a banana split, too.

Where am I going with this? I could really go for a banana split, and I'd wager manyboth of you could, too. And when you're eating that banana split, luxuriating in its deliciousness, give a thought to the deliciousness that is our National Banana Split.

On a final note, which is eerily synchronicitous, Thomas Friedman is currently on the Report re-broadcast, and he kind-of looks like a dollop of whipped cream.

Sunday, November 09, 2008