Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Be Young And Beautiful Forever, Or At Least For Twenty Years!

Defy ageing the natural way! Take up to 20 years off your appearance with the age-defying secret of flaxseed! But realistically no more than that! Ageing is as inescapable as the shifting sands of the Sahara, where the Riffian people of the Atlas Mountains have been defying the ravages of age for millennia by harnessing the cosmetic power of flaxseed!

For over two centuries, travelling salesmen have been selling age-defying cosmetics made from flaxseed and flaxseed by-products to passengers on the trains criss-crossing North Africa! And now this practically age-obliterating (up to about 20 years) miracle has crossed the ocean! And it's available now! For you! To purchase!

Cosmetological Scientists agree that nothing defies ageing like LinumOleum™'s FlaxTastic™ line of cosmetics! The Omega-3 fatty acids restore your skin's natural shine, while the hydrogen cyanide gives Father Time the middle finger! It's like a facelift in a bottle! And over 20 years it will cost you less than the Blue Book value of a 1963 bison!

So order now! At LinumOleum™, we guarantee that you'll love our FlaxTastic™ line of age-bludgeoning flaxseed, flaxseed by-product, and flaxseed-adjacent cosmetic products, or some of your money back! Look 20 years younger today!

LinumOleum™ makes no claims of medical or cosmetological efficacy for its FlaxTastic™ line of products. LinumOleum™ is not responsible for injuries or cyanide poisoning resulting from use of its FlaxTastic™ line of products. Continued use of FlaxTastic™ products for longer than 20 years is likely to result in your face falling off.


Julie said...

Oh, FlaxTastic!!! I love it! Well done, Mike. Truth be told, I've been nervous about flaxseed lately after recent reports claimed it might be linked to cancer. Oy. Also, I still haven't time to cruise over to Facebook. Yargh!

I want to see the latest bison model!

Mike Marsh said...

I wouldn't worry about tenuous claims. The media always over-emphasizes these things. The stress of worrying about flaxseed probably has a more substantial negative effect on your health than the flaxseed itself.

And believe it or not, the line about the bison was the first thing I though of.